“I found it hard to be in love. That’s only because I didn’t want to fall in love. I refused to lower my walls down. I was too afraid of getting hurt. Once you open yourself up to someone, there’s a chance things won’t go the way you intended, and you will be left broken. I wasn’t ready to feel empty, not just yet.”—Megan Fox (via andiwonder)
That’s one of the most important qualities I look for in a person. I’m a very loyal person. I’m always there for people that I care about, but I never ask anything of them. There was plenty occasions where a friend said something that hurt me or taken back their word. I would just put up with it, and wouldn’t complain. But, its crazy when something never goes their way… all hell breaks loose! I’ve encountered some really selfish people. Although I’ve been taught to treat people like you would want to be treated, everyone doesn’t think that way. I’m finally realizing that now.
My supervisor threw a party for only three interns that were leaving on Friday, including me. That wasn’t even half of the people that were leaving. It was suppose to be a surprise party, but my supervisor makes things so obvious. Everyone was disappointed that I was leaving, and wished the me best success. They collected money from everyone on our floor, and gave the three if us a little cash to help support us for the mean time. I’m so thankful for what they did because they really didn’t have to do that. I want to thank everyone that made it such a great experience for me, and thanks for the memories.
In addition, I think they would of given me a full time job, but I haven’t graduated from school yet. The reason we had to leave is because there’s new a director. He changed up a lot of the rules, one being that you can’t stay in the internship no longer than two years. I got lucky that I was there for three. On the other-hand, a few people gave me options to check out. I’m going to look into them. Hopefully, I get hired for this summer internship with this bank that a lady at my job referred to me. *Crosses fingers* It’s something to at least support me financially through the summer. If I can’t find a job I will probably take a digital photography class, or find a internship that’s in that field. Now, that I’m unemployed it set me back a couple of steps. I had planned on saving up for a SLR camera because I thought that they was going to let us work this summer. That isn’t going to stop me from doing what I want though.
The guy that I’m currently talking to told me he wanted me to meet his father. We had just started talking at the time, so I didn’t take him seriously. Thursday he introduced me to his father, stepmother, and his little sister. His father made me very nervous, and intimidated. While we were having a conversation, he was holding the back of my neck…. which I found intimidating & weird. On the other hand, he was funny and complimented me.
The most confusing person is ourselves. We all want what we can’t have, and don’t appreciate what we do have. We fall for someone we know will hurt us, but ignore the people who care about us so much. We love when we should hate, and vice versa. When we get what we’ve been wanting, it never meets our standards. We can’t make up our minds.
'Not every girl wants to be in a relationship.. Some just want good company, a fella to vibe with, converse with, & laugh with. Not in a rush. Start off simple, and let the rest find itself. Having someone to talk to and feeling comfortable around them is quite beautiful, and a good feeling. Minds connecting, Both on the same page, No bullshit, having someone that actually listens to you, your thoughts and wonders. I don’t need the label “In relationship” to feel that you care or enjoy my company. Be sincere with me. You are either in it or not, it’s quite simple. As a woman, I don’t expect nor need you to wine and dine me, I could pay for my own things. I don’t expect anything but your respect and company.'
This year will be nine years since my sister left me. I miss her so much, words can’t explain. She was my best friend, my everything. Her birthday is on May 20th. My family made it a tradition to go to her burial site on her birthday every year, but I don’t like going because I feel like I’m reliving the day that she passed. I will never forget watching my sister slowly fading away from me, and I couldn’t do anything to help her. I’m getting over putting the blame on myself at my own pace. I always play Petals my Mariah Carey on her birthday. It’s my dedication to her, and I also have her name tattooed on me w/her favorite flowers.
I got a call from my job around 3pm today, and they told me I’ve “graduated” from the Internship Program. They want to welcome new people into the program, and my last day is going to be on May 27th. I’ve been working there since July 2008, and I learned a lot about the real world. It was a great experience to work for the city for the three years that I did. I was upset that they told me now, but I can’t stay bitter about it. I will miss having my own money to support my shopping addiction, and other habits though. Now its time for me to move on. Maybe I’ll find another job, or just decide to focus on my college education. Sometimes you go to go through tough times, before greater things come your way. To new beginnings….